the one thing you shouldn’t wear to work

Ladies, I get it. It’s summertime. It’s freakin’ hot outside. However, if you work in 99.9% of offices in America, your cube is an ice cube. It’s August and 85 degrees, but our building is so cold, I never pack up my winter wear; my office space feels like Antarctica, and I literally need gloves just to type at my computer (heaters are frowned upon for insurance purposes and Snuggie’s are also frowned upon because, dress code).

So, my question to you is why are ya’ll still wearing flip flops to your place of business? I have most recently witnessed metallic gold Jack Rodgers and, while I know you think you’re cute, I don’t know why you want to spend $125 to dress like a college sorority girl. You are a grown ass woman with a professional job. Bearing your feet among coworkers and clients is the opposite of professional. Do you really think others will respect you if your un-pedicured toes are on display during the staff meeting? I’m so distracted by your bunions that I can’t concentrate on the very articulate point you just made. I’m just opposed to open-toed shoes all together. Strappy open-toed sandals are risky because some styles lean towards stripper. That’s okay for the weekend, but not for work.

Imagine this scenario. You’re at your desk working away and your phone rings. Holy mother of pearl! Your caller I.D. stares back at you with [insert CEO name here]. Is he calling to say he wants you to lead a special project? To ask for your expertise? To promote you? To give you a bonus? You do not want to enter his office wearing flip flops. It’s likely that he might not notice, but also equally likely that he will. Your stock will plummet.img_9645

So, I have an assignment for you. If you wore a pair of Rainbow sandals, Tory Burch Millers, Jack Rodgers, or worse, Old Navy plastic flip flops to work this week, here’s your homework. March your tail down to Belk, Bloomingdales, or T.J. Maxx and invest in a pair of professional shoes. A pair of real leather shoes (suede is also very “in” at the moment). Look for a modest heel (not platforms), a neutral color, preferably a black or nude, closed-toe, and make sure you can actually walk in them. I’m not opposed to flats, but my philosophy is the higher the heel, the closer to the C-Suite (okay, not so high that you’re toppling over). They don’t have to be Louboutin’s or Jimmy Choo’s, which by the way, you should not spend your hard-earned money on unless you have zero student loan debt and invest at least 10% of your annual salary into a 401(k). Regardless, I don’t want to see you wear flip flops at your job ever again, deal?

You are going to be amazed at how confident and powerful you’ll feel strutting your stuff in a new pair of pumps. Shoes make the woman, and you will be transformed, I promise. Bring your best to work everyday, girlfriend. Flip flops are not your best; they’re for the beach. You think I’m crazy and that it won’t affect your performance, but if you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you’re happier, more confident, and your interaction with others can be more pleasant and productive. Try it tomorrow, and you’ll totally freak out because I’m right. I want you to feel like a total #girlboss everyday, so assess your shoe game, and if it’s all flip flops, it’s time to go shopping.

ash

A former hot mess bringing you no-nonsense career advice. I've been hired, fired, demoted, and disrespected; and it was entirely my fault. I've made every possible professional mistake and want you to learn from my screw ups, so you can have the career of your freakin' dreams.

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